Wednesday, November 29, 2006

One percent of the internet is Britney's crotch

The shocking result of a new government commissioned study is that one percent of the internet consists of web pages devoted to Britney Spears's crotch. One percent represents millions of pages to show pictures of one woman's naughty bits. The number of Britney's crotch sites exploded this week after Spears repeatedly flashed paparazzi while in the midst of a week long bender with the always classy Paris Hilton.

While initially happy as a clam, by Wednesday some paparazzi we interviewed expressed dismay. "I've devoted years of my life to stalking Britney," said photographer Omar Findelstern. "I often dreamed of the one perfect punani shot that would allow me to retire, but that unspeakable $%#$@ flashed for every moron with a cell phone camera! My pictures are worthless!"

Some industry experts expect Britney Spears's crotch to snatch up an unbelievable two percent of the internet by week's end. Their predictions are reinforced by news that Spears is still drunk and still hanging out with Paris Hilton.

Stay tuned!

Wednesday, November 08, 2006

Recount!

The Democrats are going to take the House easily. Now it looks like the Senate may very well come down to the Virginia race between Allen (R) and Webb (D). As of right now Webb is ahead by about 2,700 votes (out of well over 2 million cast) and 99% of precincts reporting. There are two other undecided races with Dems leading both. If they win those two, Allen/Webb will decide it. Expect a recount.

Tuesday, November 07, 2006

No election results yet, but interesting poll...

Here are scores of polls taken by various news agencies on a regular basis for the last year with the same question - do you plan to vote for the Republican or the Democrat in your district's US House race? They all have one thing in common. By margins ranging from 3 to 23%, but usually in double digits, every single poll showed people favoring the Democrats. Every single one.

So in the unlikely event that the Dems fail to take the House today, what does that tell us? That the GOP cheats? I'd say not necessarily. It would tell us once again just how screwed up our ridiculously gerrymandered districts are.

This page shows survey results for numerous questions about the war on terror. Among them, in a recent poll 31% of Americans think Hussein was personally involved in the 9/11 attacks. In other news, at least 31% of Americans likey the kool aid!