The greatest blog entry ever
Now for the first new entry in a few weeks. I haven't posted in awhile because I've been working hard to compose an incredible blog entry that will cause countless millions to flock to my site and gaze in awe at the startling wisdom that flows from my fingertips like crisp, clean water from the purest of springs. You know, like where they get Perrier...
Okay, so I'm full of crap and I'm just going to talk about a stupid movie. For reasons unknown, I plead temporary insanity, I voluntarily watched Transporter 2. Nevermind that the first Transporter wasn't very good. A quote on the dvd box boldly declared the sequel to be "better than the first movie!" Granted a sequel being better than an original is about as likely as getting struck by lightning just before a meteorite lands on you while you're holding the grand prize winning Powerball lottery ticket.
I cracked open an Indian beer (really, some beer called Taj Mahal... don't bother, it sucked) and sat down to watch a cinematic masterpiece. My expectations were high. I was hoping they'd blow shit up. I quickly found that this movie is laughably awful. The action sequences make the Mission: Impossible films look realistic. The worst example: Mere mortals would have abandon their car when learning that it had a bomb on the underside of it that could go off at any moment. Our hero instead executed a perfect 360 degree twisting jump and neatly snagged the bomb on a crane hook in midair so that it exploded harmlessly behind him.
The villains are amusingly terrible bad guy stereotypes. There's even an evil, trigger happy chick who does all her work in high heels and underwear. Naturally when she's shooting up an office in said outfit, the sprinklers come on and soak her. Sadly, this gratuitous eye candy, which never gets very gratuitous because this is a PG-13 film, is the best part of the movie. The plot is terrible. The acting is terrible. The action sequences are ridiculous. Mercifully the film is only 81 minutes long. If you must watch it, get friends and lots of beer. It's quite mockable.
Okay, so I'm full of crap and I'm just going to talk about a stupid movie. For reasons unknown, I plead temporary insanity, I voluntarily watched Transporter 2. Nevermind that the first Transporter wasn't very good. A quote on the dvd box boldly declared the sequel to be "better than the first movie!" Granted a sequel being better than an original is about as likely as getting struck by lightning just before a meteorite lands on you while you're holding the grand prize winning Powerball lottery ticket.
I cracked open an Indian beer (really, some beer called Taj Mahal... don't bother, it sucked) and sat down to watch a cinematic masterpiece. My expectations were high. I was hoping they'd blow shit up. I quickly found that this movie is laughably awful. The action sequences make the Mission: Impossible films look realistic. The worst example: Mere mortals would have abandon their car when learning that it had a bomb on the underside of it that could go off at any moment. Our hero instead executed a perfect 360 degree twisting jump and neatly snagged the bomb on a crane hook in midair so that it exploded harmlessly behind him.
The villains are amusingly terrible bad guy stereotypes. There's even an evil, trigger happy chick who does all her work in high heels and underwear. Naturally when she's shooting up an office in said outfit, the sprinklers come on and soak her. Sadly, this gratuitous eye candy, which never gets very gratuitous because this is a PG-13 film, is the best part of the movie. The plot is terrible. The acting is terrible. The action sequences are ridiculous. Mercifully the film is only 81 minutes long. If you must watch it, get friends and lots of beer. It's quite mockable.
posted by Patrick at
1:16 PM
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