Rubber Putin's Contempt for Naughtiness

In today's example of how moronic zero tolerance policies are, a boy in Florida has a 10 day suspension and is up for expulsion for firing a rubber band at his teacher. The offense was put in the same category as "selling drugs or alcohol, robbery and using or possessing weapons." For the love of God, get rid of these stupid ass policies in your communities! They're not only unjust, they're an insult to good educators. They're not being trusted to make good judgment calls.

Also today Vladimir Putin responded to Bush's criticism about the lack of free press in Russia by saying they didn't bother Bush about the journalists he fired from CBS, alluding to the controversy about Dan Rather's report on Bush's national guard service. Bush responded accurately that he has no power over who CBS hires or fires, but his comment didn't seem to have an impact as a Russian journalist asked him about the same thing later. What baffles me here is that Putin clearly has no understanding of the press in this country if he thinks there's any merit whatsoever in comparing the CBS controversy to his own restrictions of Russia's free press. My guess is he knows better, but he realizes that some of his people do not. If he doesn't know any better, that's kind of scary.

And here's another article on liberal contempt for many Americans... it's clearly slanted but many of the columnist's observations are right on the mark. If the left wants to win elections again, they've got to get back in touch with the voters. To state the obvious, when people think your side looks down on them, they're sure as hell not going to vote for your candidates.

Quote to ponder from South Park...
"Just remember what the MPAA says: Horrific, deplorable violence is okay, as long as people don't say any naughty words!" -- Kyle's Mom

absolutely terrifying

Yes, it's the story of a woman who apparently gave oral sex, saved the sperm, impregnated herself with it, and successfully sued for child support. What a sick, psycho...
The man is suing for emotional distress now, and I certainly can't blame him. It should go without saying that concocting this reprehensible scheme to have a man's child without his consent is a terrible form of violation. Disgustingly, there is precedent for the man paying forced to pay child support in this situation -- State of Louisiana v. Frisard.

What if Monica Lewinsky had thought of it? Ack!

Elsewhere, Matt Drudge seems to think it's newsworthy that a movie with a few f bombs in it was given a PG-13 rating instead of R. Yawwwwn. Wasn't "Ferris Bueller's Day Off" full of profanity? That was nearly 20 years ago. Let's move on.

In India, marriage is really going to the dogs. Bah, that was too easy. Some village had 4 of their little kids get married to canines. Really. It wards off evil spirits. I never knew. So the next time you're bothered by those damn poltergeists in your attic, see if your local pastor or Justice of the Peace will let you marry off Junior to Fido. If not, I bet there's a Vegas wedding chapel that will sign off on it. Look for one with an Asian Elvis impersonator because that would be cool.

greatest president in history?

A recent gallup poll (yeah, it asks for a login but the top few presidents in the poll are at the top of the page) found that Americans rated "Ronald Reagan as the greatest president in history, followed by Bill Clinton, Abraham Lincoln, Franklin Roosevelt, and John F. Kennedy." Naturally Reagan won among Republicans and Clinton was tops among Democrats.

Besides the ridiculous idea of Clinton and Reagan being our best presidents in history, this shows how narrow people's vision is. Ask them who the "greatest" is and they just think of someone in their lifetime. In at least some cases they probably simply don't know enough history to pick anyone else.

Greatness requires trials. So one would expect the greatest presidents to be those who rose to the occasion in very difficult times. Clinton, who did the job of the presidency fairly well while doing a lousy job with his personal life, did not serve in difficult times. He was no George Washington (who didn't even make the top 5) or Abe Lincoln, and he never had the opportunity to be. FDR on the other hand guided America through the Great Depression and WWII both. Abraham Lincoln was successful in leading America through the war that temporarily tore it apart. Washington was in many ways a marvel as the country's first president, a man who truly wanted the people to govern themselves. People tried to make him the equivalent of a king and he simply refused the power. Everything he did set a precedent and he was very conscious of that fact. Was he a saint? No, he had his flaws like any man, but he did a damn good job as the nation was formed. See what happens in the world to other countries who become independent and have a poor or corrupt first leader and you'll see how lucky this country was.

snap decisions

The same day I wrote my previous entry, I watched Comedy Central that night and saw Lewis Black rant about how the PTC website has all the dirtiest broadcast television clips from the last week. It was classic. I think Lewis Black is one of my heroes.

In more personal news, I realized that every woman I've ever dated decided the first time she met me that she wanted a relationship (or not). That includes women who I knew as "friends" long before I actually started dating them. They spent the intervening weeks or months dropping subtle or not so subtle hints about it. I've never figured this snap decision making process out. How do they know someone well enough instantly to decide if they're good dating material? They must be going on superficial first impressions because at that point they don't have anything else! Yet they decide then and there, usually for all time, whether you're someone they want to date, or just "a friend". And somehow it's guys who get the most flack for being superficial. What's with that? I call BS.

As a guy of course, I consider every woman I can stand to be in the same room with as potential dating material (okay, slight exaggeration). But I've certainly gone on a date or two with someone and still not known if it's going anywhere significant, if I really want it to go anywhere, etc. I don't know the person well enough yet.

Women are strange. I know a little about a lot of things and a lot about a few things, but about women that's all I know. You can quote me on that. :-P

Things that make you go hmmm.....

Today's title reminds me of C & C Music Factory. You know you loved them in the early '90s. Most of these stories popped up last week, but I'm lazy so here we go:

A man who attacked a policeman with a poodle has been found incompetent to stand trial. Yes, I said "attacked a policeman with a poodle". First the man rammed a police car with his own vehicle. He then got out of his car wielding a poodle on a leash and approached the office, swinging the poodle at the cop. Apparently poodles are much like morning stars (spiked ball and chain). The dog is okay. The man is apparently insane. Big surprise there...

Those of you who watched the Super Bowl may have seen the McD's commercial with the "Honest Abe" french fry. Well, the fry was put up for auction with proceeds going to the Ronald McDonald House. It fetched over $50,000. For a french fry, you ask? Nope! The winning bid will receive a fake replica of the fry. Hold on while I get my fifty grand to buy a fake french fry...

Having solved all over problems, Virginia's state legislature passed a bill banning "low slung" jeans. Wearing your jeans low including the exposure of boxers is now punishable by a fifty dollar fine.

In our latest example of how screwed up and corrupt our corporate executive jobs are in America, Carol Fiorina, now ex-CEO of Hewlett Packard, is getting $21 million for doing a lousy job and getting fired (they're not calling it getting fired but rather asked to leave... ie. you're fired). Nice golden parachute, isn't it? With $21 million they could give this incompetent executive a huge payout for going away, or they could pay 420 annual salaries of $50,000 each. If you have stock in HP, tell them to shove it up their asses and dump their stock. Only in the corrupt world of American corporate executives can sucking at your job and getting forced out be like winning the lottery.

Controversial University of Colorado professor Ward Churchill, in the news lately for among other idiotic comments comparing the victims of 9-11 to Nazis, apparently has a few other problems. Like building part of his career on his Native American Heritage... According to a geneological study by the Rocky Mountain News, Dr. Churchill doesn't HAVE any Native American ancestors in his family. Additionaly, in one of his books Chruchill claims "that a deadly smallpox outbreak among Native Americans in the 19th century was started by the U.S. Army. According to Lama University Assistant professor Thomas Brown, none of the sources Churchill cites said anything of the kind." Nice.

In other news a Cleveland woman is suing a seven year old boy. The woman was rollerblading on a bike and pedestrian path when the little boy got in her way. She tripped over his bike tire and broke her leg. The case has been thrown out of two courts already, but she has instructed her lawyer to fight it all the way to the Supreme Court. Later the Cleveland woman was spotted beating up a five year old young girl and kicking babies.

Finally, it's interesting to note that the Parents Television Council, previously mentioned here because they're responsible for generating well over 90% of all television indecency complaints received by the FTC, has a section on their website where you can view graphic descriptions and some video footage of the raunchiest things on television in the last week. So..... I guess you can just go there to get your highlights of the week! There's certainly nothing to keep kids away from it.

Bush = Hitler again

Okay, inspired by still more threads on Fark where morons compare President Bush to Adolf Hitler, I have only this to say in the most humble way possible: If you think there's enough resemblance between Hitler and Bush or for that matter Hitler and any of America's past Presidents that comparing them is at all useful, you're too stupid to talk to me. Just go away. :-P

In another random observation, something a woman will frequently think that a man absolutely never, ever will... "My spouse has angered me. I will withhold sex tonight."

I'd hit it!

I'm late posting this one, but last week I came across this gem of a banner ad from McDonald's. Yes, it's a real ad. McDonald's marketing is either a) clueless about this slang or b) hopes to follow up the hit movie series "American Pie" with "American Cheeseburger". You decide.

Do you like your job?

So my alma mater called last night. They wanted money (why else would they call?). Every year when they call, twice a year actually, once for the college of arts and sciences and once for the university as a whole, they follow the same script. First they try to be my friend by asking me a few hi, how are ya sort of questions. Then they confirm my address. Then they talk about campus a little bit and ask for $500. I say no. Now if I let them continue along this path, they will babble a few more lines and ask for $250. If I say no again, they blab a bit longer and ask for $100, then repeat to $50. Now I just save them some time when they start the $500 speech by interrupting and offering them fifty bucks or saying no a few times and having a sudden attack of Tourette's syndrome (okay, I don't really do that last part).

Anyway, last night during the "be my friend" part of the call, the girl says, "so how do you like your job?" I told it was pretty good. Then she said that was great, I was the first person she'd talked to all evening who liked his job...

Wow. I knew a lot of people didn't like their jobs, but damn. I didn't have the heart to tell her that I only said it was "pretty good" because I took the question like a "how are you?" from someone passing by. They don't really want a truthful answer. They're just being polite. So you automatically say something like "okay" or "fine" or "pretty good", no matter what the reality is. I'm grateful for my job and recognize that it's a lot better than many of the alternatives, but saying I like it would be going too far. But who wants to contribute to crushing the poor college undergraduate's hope for the future? Well okay, sometimes I might, but I wasn't feeling quite cynical enough yesterday.

Terrorists Capture GI Joe!

Okay, this has to be the funniest/stupidest news story of the year. Terrorists claimed to have captured an American GI today. A photo was released by the Associated Press and others. Many major news sources are still reporting the capture in worried tones. Well...... they capture a GI alright. A GI Joe action figurine that is...

I'll post the picture later, but I can't figure out how the hell journalists were fooled by that lifeless looking figure placed in front of some Arab flag. Just look at it, for God's sake! It's plastic! And check out that gun they're holding on him. Damn people are stupid...
CNN has reported on the hoax now, probably after a few people opened their eyes and actually looked at the picture for a few seconds. Drudge Report currently has the original photo posted as well as the GI Joe toy you too can purchase to reenact this exciting hostage scene.

Meanwhile President Bush has called for the capture of Cobra Commander, dead or alive!