Debunking fiction?

With the release of the Da Vinci Code movie, articles and television shows have included numerous experts eager to debunk the story. So umm... I'm confused. The novel is found in the fiction section of your local bookstore or library. Why exactly do we need to debunk it? It's FICTION! The author claims that documents and historical references in the book are based on fact. Apparently some people are believing much of the plotline as well about Jesus knocking up Mary Magdalene. Okay, so some people are very, very stupid. That's hardly news.

My plan is to join this debunking fad while it lasts. Soon I'll be offering my expert services in debunking '24'. Here's a teaser:

Would you believe that the makers of the television show '24' aren't telling you the truth?! In my shocking and informative program, you'll see just how much of this hit show's plots aren't true at all!

I'll show that there has never been a President Palmer!
I'll prove that claims of a nuclear weapon exploding in the desert that was originally set to explode in Los Angeles are bunk!
I'll tell you the truth about the so-called "Override Device".

I'll have these stories and much more, so don't miss it.

First, I really want to hurt the people who write newspaper headlines. News came out recently that Paul McCartney is separating from his wife. Every farking time there's a story about any former member of the Beatles, a bunch of papers make headlines out of Beatles song titles. It's not original. It's not cute. These writers need a cockpunch.

Next, I've been watching the TV show "24" on dvd lately. Until a few months ago I'd never seen a single episode. I started at the beginning and am currently on season 4. Here are a few things I've learned from watching "24":

1. Jack Bauer is running out of time. Just tell him what he wants to know.
2. Torture is very effective and should be used much more often. Everyone breaks, except Jack Bauer.
3. No matter how far fetched his hunch may seem, Jack Bauer is always right. If you disagree with him, then you’re wrong.
4. No good deed will go unpunished. Even if Jack Bauer miraculously and repeatedly saves millions of people from certain death, he will not be rewarded. He’ll be fired.
5. No matter how many times Jack Bauer saves the world, his bosses will consider him a renegade who must be stopped so that the investigation can proceed by the book.
6. All bosses are idiots, especially Jack Bauer’s bosses.
7. The most dangerous occupation in the world is being that guy who’s between Jack Bauer and what he needs to know.
8. The second most dangerous occupation in the world is being a family member or love interest of Jack Bauer. Kidnapping or worse is pretty much guaranteed.
9. Jack Bauer is the best marksman in the world.
10. You’d think by now that the last place a terrorist would target is Los Angeles. Jack Bauer is there.

The greatest blog entry ever

Now for the first new entry in a few weeks. I haven't posted in awhile because I've been working hard to compose an incredible blog entry that will cause countless millions to flock to my site and gaze in awe at the startling wisdom that flows from my fingertips like crisp, clean water from the purest of springs. You know, like where they get Perrier...

Okay, so I'm full of crap and I'm just going to talk about a stupid movie. For reasons unknown, I plead temporary insanity, I voluntarily watched Transporter 2. Nevermind that the first Transporter wasn't very good. A quote on the dvd box boldly declared the sequel to be "better than the first movie!" Granted a sequel being better than an original is about as likely as getting struck by lightning just before a meteorite lands on you while you're holding the grand prize winning Powerball lottery ticket.

I cracked open an Indian beer (really, some beer called Taj Mahal... don't bother, it sucked) and sat down to watch a cinematic masterpiece. My expectations were high. I was hoping they'd blow shit up. I quickly found that this movie is laughably awful. The action sequences make the Mission: Impossible films look realistic. The worst example: Mere mortals would have abandon their car when learning that it had a bomb on the underside of it that could go off at any moment. Our hero instead executed a perfect 360 degree twisting jump and neatly snagged the bomb on a crane hook in midair so that it exploded harmlessly behind him.

The villains are amusingly terrible bad guy stereotypes. There's even an evil, trigger happy chick who does all her work in high heels and underwear. Naturally when she's shooting up an office in said outfit, the sprinklers come on and soak her. Sadly, this gratuitous eye candy, which never gets very gratuitous because this is a PG-13 film, is the best part of the movie. The plot is terrible. The acting is terrible. The action sequences are ridiculous. Mercifully the film is only 81 minutes long. If you must watch it, get friends and lots of beer. It's quite mockable.

We're getting hosed

(I posted this entry a few weeks ago, but blogger is acting screwy and still not showing it. Trying again)
More ridiculous CEO salary news: In 1980 CEOs of large corporations in the USA made about 10 times what the average employee made. In 2005 they made 430 times the average employee. To rub even more salt in the wounds, keep in mind that not only are average workers getting lousy raises while CEOs collect more and more absurd bonuses, but some corporations are even defaulting on the pensions they promised their loyal retired employees. At the same time their CEOs get many millions more.
This is farking sick.