Friday, February 16, 2007

How is this news?

First of all, why did this past week have saturation coverage of Anna Nicole Smith’s death? Why the hell do people care? She was a gold-digging, attention-whoring, train-wreck. It’s too bad when anyone dies, but it doesn’t deserve blanket news coverage. At least I can be amused by the increasing number of men who say they might be her baby’s father. Of course the perfect ending to sordid, asinine tale would be paternity tests that show her dead 20 year old son is the father of her new baby. That’s my pick in the father pool.

New research!
Another study was just released saying that we may be getting fat because of our high calorie drinks.. Wow, that’s news! I thought I could suck down all the sugary goodness of a twice daily Super Big Gulp and never, ever gain weight! Why thank you, Captain Obvious! I’m in luck though. I limit my intake of regular soda and reach for a beer instead. Whew!

Surprise, surprise, here’s some more research suggesting that Freud had major issues. Among the study’s conclusions are that most people are appalled, even at a subconscious level, at the idea of sexual relations with close family members. Suck it, Oedipus!

More news:
I’m going to watch the documentary Jesus Camp tonight. I’ve heard people describe it as downright scary, but I’d prefer to see for myself. I’ll let you know if I think it should be considered a horror movie.

Next up, take a look at another whacky cult leader. He’s Paul! He’s Christ! He’s the anti-Christ! It’s the amazing morphing cult leader! To be fair, adding dissociative identity disorder to a Messianic complex is an intriguing combination.

Some crazy guy is planning to swim the length of the Amazon river. Hey, good for him, but one of the dangers he faces is about the scariest thing I’ve read. His assistants will have buckets of blood with them to dump in the water in case the dreaded toothpick fish is nearby. This little bastard likes to swim into small umm… orifices… erect its spines, and feed on blood and tissue. Note to self: no matter how unlikely it is that this horror could happen, never, ever go swimming in the Amazon.

There’s news that Bulls great
Scottie Pippen wants to come out of retirement
for an NBA playoff run. Yeah, because that worked so well for Michael Jordan….. and keep in mind that Pippen’s skills had already gone downhill quite a bit by the time he retired in 2004. Don’t do it, Scottie! You were great, but it’s over! Don’t be “that guy” who’s always trying to get back to his glory days.

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